Stories of the Lost and Found

Toxic relationships can haunt you for years. They're not always physically, it's not always one-sided, and it's not always able to be understood. It does not discriminate between gender, color, nor race. You will never think it could be you. Once it is you, though, you still won't know it. 
 When my Nany passed in late 2012: I fell off. Not many people noticed because I was great at hiding it. Too good. Let me be clear, however, that that is no excuse for the person I became.  
 Early 2013 I met someone who was also in pain and me being me I thought: "I can fix him, I get it."
 It was forbidden to say the least and as time went on I became more engrossed in myself, in numbing the pain, and unfortunately in him. I became someone I didn't know. Drugs were prominent in my lifestyle. I had no morals. I had no motivation. I dropped out of college. I moved to Brunswick. I isolated myself from my friends, and my family. I isolated myself from my go...

I try really hard to understand other people’s views but they all seem so fake. It’s like everyone is searching for something to make their lives more meaningful, more important, more “like-worthy”. When really the key to life is being in the moment. Learning to be present in time. Time is an illusion, after all.  I guess I’ve just outgrown a lot of things, people, and places these past few years. I’m selective about what I tell to whom. Why? Because around here, nobody listens to hear you. They listen to repeat it.  I’ve outgrown temporariness. I’ve outgrown having to have everyone like me for me to be happy. Just because I don’t vibe with you doesn’t mean I don’t like you. It just means we’re not each others cup of tea. I wish more people understood that. I really do.  But nobody gets it. It’s crazy how being in introvert is so taboo. How being a home body automatically makes you boring or a “bitch” because you can’t muster up enough energy to interact with people 24...

I've often heard that if you love something let it go and if it comes back, it's yours to keep... But what if it comes back to you in the form of a song, months later, while your hair is blowing in the wind, the top down while it's sunny and warm, and you can't hold onto the song forever. What if it comes back to you in the form of a memory, flooding in through an open door you thought you had dead-bolted shut, when you come across an old movie stub, but you can't make the memory come to life. What if it comes back to you while you're watching your favorite movie, with tears rolling down your face while you imagine the person sitting next to you. What if comes back to you in the form of the tides crashing against the shore, the waves falling and rising, to the rhythm of your heart against theirs. And what if it comes back to you in the form of a goodbye, in the form of a whisper, in the form of the wind blowing  about because let's face it: Sometimes when i...

I’ve spent most of my life wondering why I don’t have as many friends as all the other girls around me seem to have.  Sororities make me want to yank my teeth out and going out to dinner with more than 2 girls gives me increasingly aware anxiety. It took me awhile to really realize how different I actually was.  It’s taken me even longer to accept it.  It’s hard to not want to follow the crowd. It’s hard not having that one special bond with that one person. It’s hard not having someone understand why you don’t want to do anything that day.  It’s especially hard when people judge you for it. And it’s even harder when those people are your friends.  I’ve always preferred my books to actual people. I’ve always preferred my house to literally anywhere else. I prefer being in my head rather than carrying on yet another meaningless conversation about what Sally did to Susie. I really can’t do it anymore. I’ve had a lot of great, amazing friends y'all. And I...

Happy Saturday, y'all! I've had something on my brain for awhile now. I need it to be known this is not directed towards any one person or persons. It is not meant to be judgmental, belittling, or rude. It simply is a genuine observation from yours truly and stems from an awakening I feel about certain subjects. So here it goes: Materialistic Life and Love It all started when I began reading Eckhart Tolle's "A New Earth" and there's a part in the book about how humans identify with things and how it influences their daily life. How it controls their ego. Lately I've seen a lot of this. With friends, at work, with people I don't even know... and sadly, with myself. In today's time I feel as if people turn to "things" for satisfaction way too often. We identify with things because at the time they make us feel good. At the time you're following the crowd, you NEED this, it's popular, it seems important. We've all d...

So open minded yet so judgmental Living in a world where it's encouraged to be mental Old souls stuck the wrong time lost hopeful and yet still living We could change the world If we could just intertwine

Many days she was a hurricane, causing chaos wherever she chose Winds whipping and swirling the life around her Even her own thoughts she didn't know Some days she was ice Some days she was snow, having a heart cold and numb Melting only when the sun, finally decided to show. And on her best days see was sunshine Sunflowers, clouds and shade She never knew what she was going to be she never really cared All that matters is she stay true to herself Anytime, everywhere

thoughts of death consume me thinking of what could have been the numbness fades after awhile until someone is taken again the good die young or so I'm told when all they wanted to do was to be able to grow old grieving doesn't cease it's never ending; it haunts your sleep and then when time passes you tend to forget for awhile and then you see a picture of their lovely smile emotions flood your body heaviness clouds your heart and once again you're reminded of the time spent apart

time is an illusion- so they say never enough hours in the day when tonight will my head lay? never enough sleep to recharge tiredness overlooked; disregard  restless legs restless head  restlessness throughout this bed sunlight shimmers begin to come through casting shadows upon what used to be me and you

Wow, guys. 2016 was quite the whirlwind. We lost a lot of good talent. I lost a lot of pens. We elected the Anti-Christ. And no, Global Warming is NOT a hoax. Guess what I didn't lose, though? Myself . This is my first blog post in over a year and I need to drop some knowledge on you younger ladies. First things first: You. Are. Not. Them. You're not them. You never will be them. You were not wired to be them. You are you.  This year I met a lot of new people and a lot of them turned out to be younger than me. I heard gossip I didn't care to hear. I was too judgemental when I shouldn't have been. I ate too many cookies. I sobered up (oh, I bet that one caught your eye!) Let's take a detour. Sober (Adj.): Not intoxicated or affected by the use of alcohol or drugs This year I learned what it felt like to feel instead of numbing myself. Sober means a lot of different things. Was I strung out? No. Was I shooting up? Fuck no. Was I crossing line...