Speak Easy

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My mind is an after hours speakeasy, a wild tumbleweed 

Calculating, meticulous 

33 x 2 - that’s 66

The number I associate with underlying (and) penetrating, splitting psychosis 

On any given day, I make my (own) self sick

(Becoming) Completely unhinged, losing my grip

(Always) surrounded by people pleasing hypocrites 

Wound so tight, yet light as a feather 

Don’t you ever want to get (be) better?

What would they think? Her, him, he or she?

(You’re) Always running from what you used to be 

What would they think? As they go tit for tat

Life’s a ballgame - batter up - it’s your turn at bat

round for round? Hit back cold, hard - the real essence of your soul won’t ever be found 

What would they think? If you decided to be free? 

Roaming and roaming, thoughtlessly 

Free from the ever growing bigotry 

Waking up from the cookie cutter make believe 

Cluttered with juxtapositional houses, white picket fences, manicured lawns 

Magnolia trees representing “Bless this home”

Struggling 

Deciding

To become unwound 

Craving to feel while simultaneously not making a sound 

Stay quiet - Hush, dear. Debutantes never show (confess) their inner fear

Tuck it all in, Haven’t you heard?

Men don’t fall for Lady Lazarus‘s Tulips, or Hawthorne’s letters

Men fall for diamond embedded Daisy’s, and Audrey Hepburns

Silent screams underneath the hood, the gasket is shaking, rumbling to its core

If you listen close, you can hear it’s roar

The gas gauge flirts with the Edge of E

Didn’t you remember to stop at Pump 3?

Or were you too busy wondering of something more?

(How can I be) thankful for this careful bubble I’ve found myself surrounded in

I mean chose

(We all) I know that without it I’d spontaneously implode 

Cave within 

Succumbing to the life of Self Sabotage Sin

Good vs. Evil

Black vs. White

Ying and Yang

Happy and Sad

Stop, please 

Just shut (the fuck) up

It’s not that easy 

It’s Every day I’ve ever known

Night and day 

The grey areas become home

They keep you at Bay

Become home to all you once knew

To all that you know

(Your) life becomes shadowed by comfortable woes 

Ruthless and relentless

Piece by piece 

Making yourself smaller

Continuously Trying to please


- a gentle work in progress

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