Dark places: always overcome

Everyday I feel as if I sink lower into this complete state of oblivion. Everything sounds the same, looks the same, feels the same, tastes the same and everything smells the same. My senses have all crossed each other out and I cannot feel a thing. It's silly, really. Completely ridiculous. How you can feel yourself slipping from reality but yet you can't seem to do a damn thing about it. It never lasts but it's still a forever feeling... Few people can understand that. And nobody understands how you feel. Your friends think you're being irrational, annoying and completely bonkers. My friends do anyway. I know they don't mean to, it's life. They're normal and I'm not. And then sometimes I am. And then I'm not. Blue and white, a constant battle between giving up and not giving up. A constant battle between "the whole worlds against me" and "everything happens for a reason."  A constant battle between the way you see yourself and the way others see you. I don't understand how it's possible to not care at all but to care so much that it makes you ache. Have you ever felt so much about something that it scared you because it took over so much of your time and thought process? The smallest little thing, an inkling of a memory that you dwell on for hours. It's unnatural and absolutely exhausting. It's life. Like that's the answer to everything. At the end of the day it's fucking life. And that's the only thing that makes me keep going is because I know that I'm not the only one who feels this way, I'm not. I can't be. Other people are far worse off than I am. And if I can overcome this mindset I often slip into, I don't know if it's mental illness or anxiety or depression or bipolar disorder or all of the above or me just being a pussy.... I have to find my way out of it and if I can do that then it's got to count for something even if nobody ever knows but me.