What being "That Girl" taught me...

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Have you ever been "that girl?" You have; don't question or deny it, it's better to just admit it. You've been the overly obsessive, mean girlfriend. You've been the girl who always runs back, never knowing when to let go. You've been the cheater, the other woman AND the one who's been cheated on. You've been the bitch who doesn't wanna talk to anyone for 3 days and you've been the girl who can't get enough of anything. You've been the complainer, the cryer, the yeller, the blamer, the liar, the lover and the fighter. You've been them all and so I have. But have you taught yourself anything? That's the real question.

I woke up one day and I was different. Like the stars had aligned and things that never made sense before made sense now. You know when you're playing around in the pool and you play the "how long can I hold my breath underwater until I nearly drown" game and when you finally can't take it and burst thru the water to get that breath of fresh air? It's like I was under water for so long, looking thru it with unclear eyes and then boom. I could see. I woke up one day and my life was just a big question mark. What the hell was I doing? Why wasn't I happy? Who the hell was I? 

For years I'd carried around all the things I've always been, letting them take over. Overcoming me with guilt or regret or sadness. Aka, I was being really pathetic. "This isn't how I was raised." I thought. I was raised to be independent, strong and focused. If I didn't know who I was how were other people supposed to know who I was? It was like I was so many different people in one body and I couldn't figure out which one I was and then I finally realized:

I was all of them. And I hadn't embraced it. 

Being all of those "girls" had taught me to be one thing: This woman. 

For years I had made the mistake of not accepting my flaws and carrying them around instead, letting them cloud my mind and inevitably my decisions. For years I had bounced from one relationship to the next, never fully satisfied, never fully understanding why I was never fully satisfied and it's all so clear. 

You have to really know yourself and really get yourself to let other people get you. You have to love yourself, ALL of yourselves, for you to fully let others love you. You have to ACCEPT yourself to let others truly accept you. Until you have fully embraced everything you've been, done and felt, you'll never be able to become who you're meant to be. 

Being all of those girls taught me to be a woman. To accept things you can't change, to accept that decisions you make in life are based solely on your mindset and the words and actions that come from you and only you. It's taught me that jealousy gets you nowhere and everybody's lives are shaped differently. It's taught me that independence and being independent is the greatest gift you could ever have and to never take it for granted. To learn from it and learn how to be alone and happy so you can be happy when you're not alone as well. But most of all I've learned that everyone I've been and everything I've done is what has made me into who I am. 

My flaws are my silver lining and if I can learn to live with that, I can learn to live with anything. 

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